I'll list some quick suggestions at the end, but for the most part I'll describe the issues shy guys deal with and let you draw your own conclusions about how to act.
As with all the other writing on this site, the points here are from a mix of my own experience and accounts I've come across of how shy guys say they think.
Just when you think you know him, he’ll tell you he met Obama once and they talked for 10 whole minutes. This guy has logged a lot of hours intently listening to you, so don’t be too shocked when he throws you a philosophical curveball like “If you never reach [x long-term goal], do you think you could ever be truly happy? So yeah, one-on-one friend hangs are way more his wheelhouse. And you won’t feel like you need to be “on” when you first chill with them because, uh, have you met your own boyfriend? Loud men, in contrast, will irritate you more than they did before.
Once you spend a lot of time with a man who never aggressively tries to out-joke other people or constantly offers cringey commentary during , you develop an even lower tolerance for the men who do.12. I will die on this hill, but I swear, there is a direct correlation between how rarely a guy talks about his sexual exploits and how skilled and open to your kinks he actually is.
You’ll never come home exhausted from work and feel like you have to nonstop gab right away. Shyness is p strongly correlated to modesty, and if you don’t ask him for details on how his big pitch at work went, he’ll probably skirt right over it.
You can both cuddle without the crushing pressure of filling every minuscule gap in a conversation. The bigger the accomplishment, the more your convo feels like 20 questions. And you’re constantly learning crazy huge chunks of information about him. He’ll also ask you things no one else ever thought to. Because he’s not the type to interject a lot (or, at all), bigger group settings make him seem like all he’s secretly roasting everyone in his head between every silent, polite nod. Because he’s so shy, the people who end up being his closest friends are usually the kinder, more patient people who won’t immediately write off that person standing awkwardly by themselves at a party.
Relationships that start out with this dynamic never really recover, and as months and years pass, you may find yourself in a sexless "just friends"/ roommate arrangement.
But then you’ll remember that lots of men think lots of arbitrary crap is masculine, like overly-hoppy craft beer or wearing boat shoes with socks. He shows his love in way more practical, personal ways.
Dating advice is outside the scope of this site, with this article being a semi-exception.
Over the years several women have written me to tell me reading this site has helped them understand the actions of a shy guy they were pursuing.
At most, it is a reliable source of advice for women who want to improve their chances with the opposite sex.
A post I made about why women shouldn't take the initiative in relationships evoked some questions about how to deal with shy men - after all, shy men don't chase women, and are unlikely to initiate anything.