With the online message, you don’t get the benefit of a shy smile or showing off the product of all that time in the gym.
First messages in online dating are like first impressions, you only get one and a bad one will get you shut down fast.
They sent a plea with a silly headline like “Look at All You’re Missing Out On! Sure, ten totally ignored me, and the subsequent dates resulting from those five ladies were awful BUT…I got five dates. And suddenly my mission was born: create the formula for the perfect introductory email and send it to as many women as possible. I’ll say it again: Internet dating is a numbers game.
”, then a simple little picture of Shadoe987 and a few sentences about her and, well, it got me hook, line, and also sinker. ”, I said to my cat as I happily entered my credit card number. But I will always remember her fondly for the lesson she taught me: Internet dating is a numbers game. Look, if you wanna send every person you meet online a deliciously personal email that it took you twenty minutes to craft out of thin air – go for it. And they’re not small numbers, they’re really really big ones.
Think of it as Gmail for strangers: the communication on the site is about two people getting to know each other; the romance comes much later,offline.
Outside researchers rarely get to work with private messages like this — it’s the most sensitive content users generate and even anonymized and aggregated, message data is rarely allowed out of the holiest of holies in the database.
I’ve been there before, searching online dating sites and coming across a profile of the future Mrs. The stress alone can freeze some people up worse that if they had to say hello in person.
You want to make the best first impression you can for your potential match.
Apple opened their app store in mid-2008, and Ok Cupid, like every major service, quickly launched an app. Users began typing on keyboards smaller than their palm, and message length has dropped by over two-thirds The average message is now just over 100 characters — Twitter-sized, in fact.
So I signed up for Match, fired off a carefully crafted message to Shadoe and a few other incomparable young women and waited for the responses to come rolling in. So in order to be an effective Internet dater, your first email should be something quick, delightful, and seemingly personal which then allows you to move on dot org.
That something can be an easily forgotten two line message OR it can be the most genuine and well-intentioned form letter in the history of the written word. Vague platitudes about how “pretty and cool” the lady seems? Random jokes about how crazy the world of Internet dating is? And last but not least: long, rambling love poem in broken English that gets uncomfortably sexual in the final stanza? How do you avoid making your email look like a form letter? A form letter is repeated word for word to each recipient.
This past week alone I’ve gotten enough poorly executed messages to make me want to curl up in a ball of being-alone-forever.
I try not to lose hope that there can be some genuine connections made through meeting someone off of the internet. I have even made several lasting friends from some of my experiences.